Most of us don’t even scratch the surface of knowing who we really are, let alone figuring out what we have the potential to become. We are so confused that we keep oscillating between overconfidence and low self-esteem. One minute we are filled with a definite purpose for life and the next we move to the opposite end of the spectrum and are completely desolate.
 
Knowing ourselves better is a boon to our lives. We’re able to make smarter decisions about what’s best for us. We’re able to create more satisfying lives – lives that are based on our core values and personal priorities.
 
Often our identities contain a lot of “shoulds”. In other words, we strive to be what we think we should be. These “shoulds” may derive from society or our family and friends. I should like this. I should be that. I should behave in this way. I should say that. Who we are gets confused with and buried under the layers of who we think we should be. Strip away the “shoulds”, and think about who you really are. Simply ask, “Who am I?” You can start with statements like “I am a daughter” or “I am a writer” and progress to “I am happiest when I’m laughing with friends” or “I am learning to be kinder to myself.” 

If we begin asking ourselves the right questions, it may take us to the answers we need to gain clarity in our own self-discovery and lead us to a more fulfilling and happy life.
 
Here are 28 questions that open the door to help you in having a real conversation with yourself. Spend some times on these and answer them as honestly as possible. You may find some uncomfortable and some difficult. Don’t filter your answers by what you think others may think but rather be true to yourself.  This is how self-discovery begins.  Enjoy!

1. What activity in your life lights you up with joy?
2. What is something you always love doing, even when you are tired or rushed? Why?
3. If a relationship or job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave?
4. What do you fear about leaving a bad job or a bad relationship?
5. What do you believe is possible for you?
6. What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?
7. What is the thing that you are second most proud of?
8. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
9. How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better?
10. If you could have one single wish granted, what would it be?
11. How comfortable are you with your own mortality?
12. What is your highest core value?
13. To your best knowledge, how do other people perceive you?
14. How would you like others to perceive you?
15. How confident are you in your abilities to make decisions for yourself?
16. What is your biggest self-limiting belief?
17. Who is the most important person in your life?
18. Who is your greatest role model?
19. Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with?
20. What is something that is true for you no matter what?
21. What is your moral compass in making difficult decisions?
22. What is one failure that you have turned into your greatest lesson?
23. What role does gratitude play in your life?
24. How do you feel about your parents?
25. How is your relationship with money?
26. How do you feel about growing old someday?
27. Do you believe your destiny is pre-determined or in your hands to shape however you wish?
28. What do you believe is the meaning of your life?

Liz Birch is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who provides services in her office in Tustin, CA.  Her areas of expertise are in communications, relationships, marriage strengthening, stress reduction, depression, trauma, anxiety, anger, personal growth, and ptsd (civilian and military). She can be reached via LizBirchTherapist.com,  email at LizBirchMFT@gmail.com.

​The therapy process is a time and place for you to open up about your thoughts and feelings.  Especially the one’s you find the most difficult to talk about. It’s those stories from our past, the ones often forgotten, mostly by choice, that are having a profound impact on your life now.  But I know that sharing those stories from your past isn’t easy.  You’ve tucked them away for a reason.
 
When in therapy with me, I share that our past events, in part, shape who we are and it's important that we take a look at it. Many don't want to go there. But in order for us to understand what is happening now it’s important that the stories of your life experiences come to light.  It’s very scary, I know. But the process doesn’t have to be scary or intensely direct.   I often tell my clients, when they are having difficulty verbalizing their emotions or thoughts, to journal write.  It’s a very freeing, liberating and sometimes a scary experience that you can do where you are most comfortable – in your home, at the park, or wherever you choose.
 
Journal writing helps you move toward self-discovery. It will help you make sense of the chaos that may be surrounding you.  It’s helps resolve traumas that you may have experienced which is holding you back from your potential. And it’s a safe way of looking at the past, which can inspire you to move forward.
 
In journal writing you don’t need to be a seasoned writer. Just grab a pen, notepad, journal book, or your computer and be ready with an open mind.
 
Journal writing is a wonderful outlet for letting go of your bottled up emotions. If you are feeling sad, happy, excited or angry, write it down. Release what ever you are thinking and don’t worry about grammar. Sometimes you may find yourself just writing single words; sometimes it’s a sentence. You might be someone who draws pictures. Just let you mind focus on what you are feeling, don’t hold back, write it down.  I assure you the feeling is liberating and powerful.  If you find it’s bringing about upsetting feelings please bring that to your therapist. She/he can help you process the unsettling thoughts and bring you toward a place of acceptance.
 
One of the benefits of journal writing, since it captures all of your unfiltered reflections, is you will begin to understand who you are.  It will also help you see a solution and help you find healing. Journal writing will help you see who you are and changes you might want to make.
 
My suggestions for Journal Writing;

• Find a comfortable, clean, neat place free from distractions.  No tv!
• Remind yourself you’re going to not restrict your thoughts but instead relax and write freely whatever enters your mind.
• Maybe begin with what you did today and how you felt doing it.
• Who did you encounter today or whom did you encounter yesterday and how do you feel about them.
• Focus on the sky, clouds, sun, lack of sun, wind and/or stillness. Think back to years back, let your mind wander, and see if the weather reminds you of a time in the past.
• Let your emotional walls down and allow yourself to feel. If you begin to cry, it’s okay, let the tears flow.  You’ll feel better when you are done.
• If your writing brings about insight, focus on it. Take it in, maybe use a highlighter and highlight it.
• When writing, focus on what’s happening “inward”.  Focus on your internal experiences, reactions, and perceptions. When you write in a diary one tends to focus more “outward”.
• If you write while sitting in the park focus on how you are feeling being alone.  If you hear children playing, does that make you happy or bring back memories of an unsettling time. If so, write down as much as you can about your memories of that unsettling time.
• Don’t be critical of your writing, there are no rules, no one is judging, just write.
• Keep your writing journal in a private place.  This is just for you.  Although you might want to share portions of it with your therapist. 
• Speaking of sharing it with your therapist.  I have many clients who bring their journal writings into their session each week. They share areas that are enlightening or cause them concern. Together we decipher the meaning of the writings and work through it, moving toward resolution.

 
Journal writing has been used effectively for grief and loss; coping with life-threatening or chronic illness; recovery from addictions, eating disorders and trauma; repairing troubled marriages and family relationships; increasing communication skills; developing healthier self-esteem; getting a better perspective on life; and clarifying life goals.




Liz Birch is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who provides services in her office in Orange, CA but also has options for home-based psychotherapy.  Her areas of expertise are in communications, relationships, marriage strengthening, stress reduction, depression, trauma, anxiety, anger, personal growth, and ptsd (civilian and military). She can be reached via LizBirchTherapist.com,  email at LizBirchMFT@gmail.com, or by calling 714-614-0612.