Getting What You Want in Your Relationship

February is the month for lovers. Months before Valentine's Day we see the Hallmark cards and posters of Valentine's love spread throughout the city.  But what if your relationship doesn't feel like it's going on the right track?  Does it feel a bit stale? Are you not getting what you want out of your relationship?  Below I have some ideas which should help. 

• You want more affection.  Your mind is molded by the thoughts you choose to entertain.  Let your fantasies work for you rather than against. If you think often that your partner is dull and inconsiderate, your partner will be. On the other hand, if you frequently focus your mind on the good qualities, you will see more of them. Let the things your partner does that please you be the subject of your fantasies. When your partner begins to give you affection let him/her know how much you like it.  Give an admiring look, a hug, or even a smile.  Be positive, patient and sensitive to your partners feelings.
• Some compliments would be nice.  You spent the day at the salon and he didn't even notice. You feel disappointed.  It could be that it doesn't even occur to him that you want a compliment.  Men don't generally give unsolicited "Wow your hair looks great!" as much as women do. So what do you do?  The next time he compliments you make a point to look him in the eyes and tell him how much you appreciate his compliment. He most likely didn't realize how important the compliments are. 

• Help with the household chores.  Conversation is the key.  Be calm and discuss how you both are going to divide up the chores.  Make a list of everything that needs to get accomplished and you and your partner can each pick which of those each will do.  For the chores that both of you hate doing you can take turns.    If you assume your partner will do certain chores and they don't get done that can lead to resentment. Setting this plan will address this head on. 
• You want more loving in the bedroom. Most men want their partners to be happy and satisfied in the bedroom. However, men, like women, are sensitive to critiques. So the key to asking for what you want is your tone.  Don't make it clinical but make it fun. When asking what you'd like be very specific and do your asking in a playful tone. Whisper in his/her ear what you want and be very specific. ;)
• You wish your partner would plan more of the date nights.  Feeling angry, pouty, frustrated?  As I've mentioned before, communication is the key. Instead of keeping quiet about it and pouting let your partner know what you need.  Take turns planning outings. When the event, that your partner has planned is over be sure to thank and compliment. Positive reinforcement works wonders.  Not with just our children but others in our lives as well.
• You just need some acceptance. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. Example conversation: "I can only imagine how horrible my actions must sound to others.  I"m not proud of myself but what I really need now is just someone who can listen to me and accept me even though I'm not perfect."  Clarify you don't need a sermon just a good listener.  Sometimes all you need is to ask. 

I hope you find the above points helpful. Become aware of the way you think and behave and work on it being more productive.  

In closing, draw upon your own inner resources to offer love, attention and nurturance not only toward your partner but for yourself.